Friday, March 04, 2005

Livin' in Atlanta (author unknown)


This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta , who has ever lived in Atlanta , has visited Atlanta , ever plans to visit Atlanta , knows anyone who lives in Atlanta , knows anyone who has ever visited Atlanta or anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta , Georgia .

Atlanta is composed mostly of one way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you reach Greenville , South Carolina . All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House."

Except that in Cobb County , all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken and..." Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with Peachtree Circle , Peachtree Place , Peachtree Lane , Peachtree Road , Peachtree Parkway , Peachtree Run, Peachtree Trace, Peachtree Ave , Peachtree Commons, Peachtree Battle, Peachtree Corners, New Peachtree, Old Peachtree, West Peachtree , Peachtree-Dunwoody, Peachtree-Chamblee, or Peachtree Industrial Boulevard . Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions they will always send you down Peachtree.

Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. That's all we drink here, so don't ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola. And even then it's still "Coke." A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or's a Coke, regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?"

Gate One at Atlanta's Hartsfield International Airport is 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.

It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the street you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls it a "scenic drive" and has posted signs to that effect, so that out-of-towners don't feel lost...they're just on a scenic drive."

The 8:00 AM rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM. The 5:00 PM rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon, and lasts through 2:00 AM Saturday.

"Sir" and "Ma'am" are used by the person speaking to you if there's a remote possibility that you're at least 30 minutes older than they are. A native can only pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue one way, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation "pahnssduh LEE-on"

The fall of a raindrop makes everyone forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days, and it's on all the TV channel and radio stations as a news flash every 15 minutes for a month. All the grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer. If there is a remote chance of snow, and if it does snow, people will be on the corner selling "I survived the blizzard" tee-shirts, not to mention the fact that all schools will close at the slightest possible chance of snow.

The pollen count is off the national scale for unhealthy, which starts at 120. Atlanta is usually in the 2,000 to 4,000 range. All roads, vehicles, houses - everything - is yellow from March 28th to July 15th. If you have any allergies, you will die. But other than that, it's a great place to live!

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia , plus a couple no one's ever seen before.

"Onced" and "Twiced" are actual words. It is not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.

There ain't no such thing as "lunch." There's only dinner - and, then, there is supper. 'Jeetyet?' is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat yet?"

You install security lights on your house and garage - and then leave both unlocked.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but need 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

You know whether another Georgian is from north Georgia , south Georgia or middle Georgia as soon as they open their mouth ( Albany = All benny)

Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as "goin wal-martin" or "off to Wally World"

Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2.

If you understand these, forward them to your friends from GEORGIA (and to those who just wish they were).


Anonymous said...

HaHa this was a great post. I have some family that lives in Atlanta and has as long as i can remember. But thank the lord they don't speak as southern as most. I live in NC but i know exactly what you mean about coke, thats how i've always called a soft drink... but i won't take up your space, i like your blog :) drop me a line some time

Anonymous said...


*runs away all the way to Germany*

Ali said...

so true!!!!

great post.