The Metaphorical Wall

I don't know about you, but around Christmas last year I hit the metaphorical wall. I couldn't bring myself to be enthused, really, about anything. Not even the holidays, which I normally love. I'd like to be able to blame it on one thing or another, but I can't. I think I just tried to do MORE than I should. It was just severe burnout.

I *really* wanted my toy business to take off, but it hasn't. As often as other direct sales reps will tell you, you can't let "no" get you down, it really bothered me. I've also been continually told "you can't compare yourself to another rep".. well, in theory that works great. I've also been told many many many times to "step out of my comfort zone" to work my business. I tried (or think I did), but it didn't seem to help. I think my other problem was that my DH told me from the start that "you'll never get it to work", so of course I had to try all the harder just to prove him wrong. By end of year it REALLY RUBBED that he was right.

All this has caused me to really step back from everything this past month and really meditate on what I want. What I think (right now) that I really want is what I wanted to do before my kids were born.. teach. I don't want to be a full time teacher at this point, though that may change. I want to substitute at schools and work at various levels. If I really like it, I want to see about completing the program GA has for college degreed people to get their teaching license.

So far, I really love volunteering out at my son's school. I started out there just after the school year began, working with one of the kindergarten classes. I ended up helping in the media center as well. I love seeing all the kids all the time. Since about November, I've been substituting at my daughters preschool (not often, but still). I loved the babies and the 2yos, but I really liked the 4s.

The pull toward Discovery Toys is great. It's educational products in the hands of families to TEACH the kids. What's wrong about it for me is the "pushing" myself in front of people to sell them. I hate cold calling, I don't like working my toy business into general conversation (unless toys ARE the conversation), etc. Makes me a bad salesperson. The wall really showed recently when I promised a parent just before Christmas that I'd order a toy for the teacher. I forgot completely about it until after the holiday. On top of that, I ordered the WRONG TOY. Makes me feel completely idiotic and out of sorts. I doubt I'll drop the business, but I don't think it's going to be my primary focus any longer. I've promised myself to make a full decision by end of this month.