Meme

MommaK stole it from Miss Britt, and I stole it from Mamacita.

The Rules: Bold the things you can do and you leave in normal type the things you can’t. Sarcastic comments in parenthesis are encouraged.

1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. (Everything matters. Do your best and never give up.)

2. Tell if someone is lying.

3. Take a photo. (Those action shots are SUPPOSED to be blurry.)

4. Score a baseball game.

5. Name a book that matters. (All of my books matter!)

6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.

7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. (Learning this one thanks to Cub Scouts, it's self defense.)

8. Not monopolize the conversation. (I’m a listener.)

9. Write a letter. (Definitely, especially when it concerns money.)

10. Buy a suit. (Haven't owned a suit since just getting out of college, though I could if necessary I guess.)

11. Swim three different strokes. (I was a lifeguard once upon a time..)

12. Show respect without being a suck-up. (I'm more likely to knock-down.)

13. Throw a punch. (Most assuredly, I can throw lemonade too.)

14. Chop down a tree. (I'm too big of a clutz)

15. Calculate square footage. (Do I have to?)

16. Tie a bow tie. (I can tie a bow, does that count?)

17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.

18. Speak a foreign language. (4 years Latin in HS and 4 years German in college, I remember very little of either.)

19. Approach a woman/man out of his/her league. (I'm not a member of a league, so everyone's out of mine.)

20. Sew a button. (Fix a bear too.)

21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. (Since I can't speak soccerese, that's doable.)

22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn’t have to ask after it. (uhh..)

23. Be loyal. (definitely)

24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.

25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it. (I can include my thumb in that too.)

26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat. (Here fishy fishy fishy)

27. Play gin with an old guy.

28. Play go fish with a kid. (I have kids, this is a gimme)

29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.

30. Feign interest. (many times)

31. Make a bed. (what am I supposed to make it do?)

32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. (Good, Bad, Ugly)

33. Hit a jump shot in pool.

34. Dress a wound.

35. Jump-start a car. Change a flat tire. Change the oil. (Unfortunately, yes)

36. Make three different bets at a craps table.

37. Shuffle a deck of cards. ('nuff said)

38. Tell a joke. (I can laugh at them too)

39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.

40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he/she will hear. (All the time)

41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.

42. Talk to a dog so it will hear. (See #40)

43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.

44. Ask for help. (My specialty)

45. Break another man’s grip on his wrist. (And his foot at the same time.)

46. Tell a woman’s dress size. (I can't even tell my dress size)

47. Recite one poem from memory.

48. Remove a stain.

49. Say no. (constantly)

50. Fry an egg sunny-side up. (my preferred way of eating eggs)

51. Build a campfire. (fire is good)

52. Step into a job no one wants to do. (No one ever wants to do the jobs I need done)

53. Sometimes, kick some ass. (Absolutely)

54. Break up a fight. (Dog & Child)

55. Point to the north at any time. (Not even in my dreams)

56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.

57. Explain what a light-year is.

58. Avoid boredom. (There is no boredom, there is only zuul.)

59. Write a thank-you note. (When necessary)

60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. (Mayfield Milk)

61. Cook bacon. (bacon!)

62. Hold a baby. (and give it back)

63. Deliver a eulogy.

64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.

65. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. (can it snap backwards?)

66. Throw a football with a tight spiral.

67. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.

68. Find his/her way out of the woods if lost. (See #55)

69. Tie a knot. (slip, clothes, square, figure 8..)

70. Shake hands. (Better than my dog)

71. Iron a shirt. (If I have to)

72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.

73. Caress a woman’s neck. (uhh..)

74. Know some birds. (downy woodpecker, redheaded woodpecker, chickadee, thrasher, mockingbird..)

75. Negotiate a better price. (if it's in my best interest..)